Moving on
March 14, 2006
Of Desires and Necessities- Moving On
The world’s religious deities generally preach a ‘love in spite of’ doctrine summarized by one word: ‘forgiveness’. It is said that where there is no forgiveness, reconciliation is impossible.
Is reconciliation absolutely necessary in order to move on or is it okay to drop everything and run without looking back?
It is easy to get caught up in what is called an ‘emotional revolving door’ where one can constantly revisit past experiences; constantly to the point where the very fabric of their emotional well-bring slowly erodes to the point of nothingness.
In my altruistic state of mind, I found myself trapped in a closet of worthlessness when I found that the person that validated my every feeling, my every action and everything that was special to me was no longer there. The void was unbearable.
For some, it is easy to drop everything and run, but where does this leave the person who is caught in that emotional revolving door? Having someone not reciprocate the same feelings that you have for them can be unbearable.
For me, after much thought, I realized that in order for me to get back to the pinnacle of my emotional well-being, I needed to separate Desire from Necessity.
Without getting into specifics, a simple evaluation of the pros and cons of being with my ex was all I needed to determine whether she was a ‘necessity’ or ‘desire’, in the ultimatum, me identifying the latter as the more fitting description.
It can be very difficult for many to differentiate or separate desires from necessities. There are many things that we desire and there are many things that we just do not need in our lives.
To Desire, simply put is a strong feeling for something or someone; a Necessity is more of a requirement or something that is indispensable.
Distinguishing which is which can be difficult because it is easy to develop false senses of hope where desires are mis-construed as necessities.
The difference:
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Desires tend to rival positivity and stand in the way of happiness.
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Necessities do not rival positivity and generally lead to true happiness.
There are Desires that usually leave us trapped in that emotional revolving door. It could be a desire for revenge, a desire to reconcile what does not want to be reconciled or anything that ultimately leads to pain (whether emotional or physical).
Our lives should revolve around necessities. Necessities are those things that help fulfill our purpose in life* which ultimately leads to true happiness.
It is by strictly differentiating necessities from desires that we will know what it takes to truly move on. It takes understanding that (as one writer puts it) “the past is the past, the present is a gift, that’s why now is called the PRESENT!”
Life is about trial and error; the best way to make use of the present is to not repeat and relive the errors/ issues of the past but to move on, not going after the desires of our hearts, but prioritizing what is necessary to accomplish true happiness.
From my heart, to yours,
Akhenaton
* Suggested reading: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
